Too Much

Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash

No one is getting out of here alive.  

This is why I married Troy, my age-gap husband.  It’s why I started this blog, and why I am writing to you today.

But knowing that life is short is different than being engulfed by the realities of death and tragedy. The sadness and unrest surrounding our culture today is changing the fabric of who we are, exacerbating our mental health issues and the personality disorders we used to be able to manage. And, the extreme things some of us are doing to cope - from killing senselessly to joining cults and militias - are broadcasted for the rest of us for our daily shock of horrific crimes fueled by fear and anger.

Working in behavioral health keeps me closer than most to the compounding effects of pain and trauma, and while providers may argue if we are treating the symptom or the root, we know one thing: you must take care of yourself before you can help anyone else.  

I decided to go with this one and asked a therapist about how we are supposed deal with the constant inundation of bad news - from global issues, to the ones that affect our day-to-day.  Because our brains do not have time to process the exponential layering of tragedy after tragedy, she explained, we must create a “sphere of protection” for ourselves.  She had me visualize a circle, and put everything in it that I enjoy, feels good, and is respectful to myself.  The things I get lost in…activities that allow me to forget about everything else.  She told me I needed to go into this space every day, and to keep finding things to add to this protective sphere.   

I’ve also looked to religion during this time, the philosophies of Hindu and Buddhist traditions making the most sense to me. Buddhist monk, Pema Chödrön, writes in Practicing Peace that, “war starts in the hearts of men”. Peace starts with me, with my heart. No more blaming the guy in his basement.

I’ve started applying both the clinical and metaphysical wisdom I've learned to my surfing practice (insert your activity here). A few days ago, I was paddling for waves with a small group of people who all enjoy the same break. There was a harmonious vibe. Everyone was taking turns, cheering each other on, and being stoked on the amount of waves we all were able to enjoy. No mind, no news, no drama.

Then, a fellow came out who is known for paddling around, dropping in, and being unfriendly. I was instantly annoyed, knowing he would soon spoil my self-care Zen. But then, I remembered Pema, and knew I needed to change my heart, otherwise I would be responsible for any soon-to-be bad vibes. I smiled at him when he came near, and he smiled back. I was relieved and took a breath.

We ended up having a brief chat, etiquette was respected, and I can actually say that I am looking forward to saying hi to him again in the future.

For those of us coming to terms with the idea that the Golden Rule might not be able to stand the test of time, remember, it starts with you.