We look weird

“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care about what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.”

— Ann Landers

It takes some wrapping your head around, these age gap unions.

Even today, after 15 years of staring at a man 23 years my senior, I still look at some pictures of ourselves (and others with large gaps) and go, “Huh…?” I would be lying if I said that because I am in one myself, that I am immune from thinking some of the same thoughts about others that have surely been thought about me.

Could this be why it is so difficult for some to “come out”— because we are our own worst critic?

And while “coming out” is a phrase generally associated with the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer/questioning (LGBTQ+) community, there are many who identify with feeling like they are living in “the closet” about some aspect of their lives. This could be a non-conforming stance. A lie we once told, and now must protect with more lies. Something we experienced that could be ridiculed, or a belief met with intolerance.

As we age, and as life reminds us of our mortality, we may ask ourselves if we are happy keeping it all in?

Like the LGBTQ community, age gappers are judged, stereotyped, and discriminated against because of who they have chosen to love. Many age gappers feel aligned with the sentiments of the pansexual community — open to the right person, and not restricted by gender (or in this case age) — for cultivating a loving relationship.

Author Brené Brown, known for her lifelong research on shame, vulnerability, and belonging is definitely the thought and action leader in the space of accepting, and then showing up as our true selves. Her work, coupled with education and inspiration from the LGBTQ, civil rights, #metoo, and growing Age Gap Community will help shape the answers to common questions like:

What are the steps to coming out? What if I only want to come out to specific people? What is so great about sharing my entire self to the world? What do I need to do find the courage to showcase my journey? How do I have a relationship with the people I love, even if they don't respect me and my decisions?

As our world has finally seemed to reach its tipping point on racial and social injustices, white supremacy, and equality for vulnerable and historically marginalized communities, many of us are starting to take a look at our own biases and create new world views. The dominant culture is being torn down and questioned, providing us an opportunity to challenge our old way of thinking, and develop our own road maps.

This is good news for anyone who wants to come out, share themselves, and highlight their love!